Anxiety

 

As this year’s theme for Mental Health Awareness Week is Anxiety, I thought I’d share my experience of anxiety and what helps me.

 

You can read more about Mental Health Awareness Week and the theme for 2023 here https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/our-work/public-engagement/mental-health-awareness-week

 

My experience

I started to struggle with anxiety when I was about 10. I didn’t know what it was at the time (or for many years!), I just knew I felt very uncomfortable in a lot of situations. I would worry about all sorts of things. I’d feel dizzy, nauseous and a constant sense that something bad would happen. That made it hard to focus, so it was difficult for me to join in with things and have fun with others my age.

 

During my teenage years, this developed mainly into social anxiety. I felt constantly on edge having to be around other people all day in school. I found it hard to talk to people, and if I tried, I would act strange because I was so distracted by my anxious feelings. Other people didn’t realise that I felt anxious, so understandably they would think I was being rude or purposefully difficult, which made things even harder.

 

Anxiety is closely linked with low mood and anger – these were feelings I also battled with and made me grow distant from everyone and everything around me. The world felt like a dark and scary place to me.

 

I was referred to counselling, which I found very helpful at the time, and it inspired me to study Psychology in the future. But after my course of counselling finished, it wasn’t long before I fell back into feeling the same as I did before, although a little less intense.

 

I did my best to not allow these feelings to hold me back. I went to college and then university, and I found these places to be uplifting, which helped my wellbeing. I started to feel happier and enjoyed myself more, but there were still these feelings hanging over me. Always there to make everything a little darker, always telling me I was doing something wrong, was going to mess everything up or something awful was going to happen.

 

I tried to talk to people about how I was feeling, but I had become so good at hiding my anxiety by now that people didn’t believe me and were dismissive (even though they probably didn’t mean to be). I felt guilty then because I felt as though I shouldn’t be having those feelings. I felt very lonely as well.

 

After I finished university and didn’t have that uplifting environment anymore, and faced the challenges of early adulthood, the anxious feelings took hold more and more again. The anxiety was holding me back from the jobs I wanted to get and the things I wanted to do. I missed so many opportunities because I couldn’t get over feeling anxious. I wanted to get better and I felt so frustrated with myself that I couldn’t get this under control.

 

Managing Anxiety

I went to my GP and explained how I was feeling. He listened well and was understanding of what I said. He referred me to a mental health nurse. I didn’t have many appointments with the nurse, but through talking to her I did start to feel a little better. She also told me about Valleys Steps, who had only just started up at the time, and she encouraged me to go to the courses.

 

I felt excited to go to the courses and I didn’t feel too nervous because I knew I wouldn’t have to speak. The courses were so eye opening to me. There were lots of other people attending and nodding along to what the practitioner said, so I really saw for the first time that I wasn’t alone in what I was feeling, and I wasn’t strange for feeling it. Although I had practiced cognitive behavioural therapy on my thoughts before and it had helped a little, I found it so helpful how the practitioners brought these ideas to life with various examples and their own experience. Most of all, I found it mind-blowing to learn and really understand that you don’t have to believe all your thoughts or even pay attention to them.

 

I realised that for years I had been wearing ‘Anxiety sunglasses’, ‘Low mood sunglasses’ and ‘Anger sunglasses’, which coloured how I saw myself, other people and different everyday situations. I found Mindfulness to be really helpful and went on to study this further, and also read The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris, which is one of the most helpful books I’ve ever read.

 

Here’s a link to The Happiness Trap on Amazon https://www.amazon.co.uk/Happiness-Trap-Based-revolutionary-mindfulness-based/dp/184529825X

 

Things didn’t get better overnight. In fact, it took years and included a lot of setbacks. It took a lot of practice to get the hang of the techniques I learned, and even today I have to make an effort to remind myself to do these things and to use them when I feel anxiety rising. I have to stay tuned into how my body feels so that I can notice when anxiety is rising, and stay aware of what’s going on in my mind. Mindfulness and yoga have been really helpful for this.

 

Techniques that help me are;

• Yoga
• Mindfulness
• Breathing techniques
• Challenging my thoughts, and thought defusion
• Doing at least one thing I enjoy each day (even if I can only fit in a few minutes)
• Getting regular exercise
• Getting enough sleep
• Taking notice of what foods contribute to my anxiety and only having these in moderation / having a balanced diet
• Talking to people I trust about what’s on my mind

 

I am mindful that when I go through difficult circumstances in my life, I’m more vulnerable to anxiety, low mood and anger. I make extra sure to put my techniques into practice if I’m going through something difficult. Sometimes these things can creep up on me though, and I don’t even realise until I’ve sunk into a bit of a fog. When I realise this has happened, I just start again with my techniques and gradually get better again. I’ve also sometimes paid for counselling through Betterhelp to give me that extra support in the really difficult times.

 

I used to beat myself up for having setbacks and feeling like the anxiety etc had got the better of me again. But now I take the view of ‘Fall down 100 times, stand up again 100 times’ or… ‘I get knocked down, but I get up again, you’re never gonna keep me down’ (courtesy of Chumbawamba). I think it’s important to have that kind of mindset when you’re managing your mental health.

 

I wish I could tell you that there’s something that would make it all go away overnight, but that isn’t the case. It’s more of an ongoing journey, with high points and low points, setbacks and successes, where you gradually learn about your mind and body, and how to look after yourself. As the philosopher, Confucius said over 2000 years ago “It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.”

 

Valleys Steps

A couple of years after I attended the courses, I decided to volunteer at Valleys Steps, which was a very positive and encouraging experience. A few years again after that, and after working in various other roles, I became a Wellbeing Practitioner at Valleys Steps. I feel so happy that I can now share tips and techniques to manage mental health with others who may feel similar to how I felt.

 

At our free courses, we talk about lots of different techniques to help manage anxiety, low mood, stress and more. This includes some of the techniques I mentioned above.

 

You can see what courses we have coming up at https://valleyssteps.org/online-sessions/ for online sessions and https://valleyssteps.org/community-sessions/ for sessions running face-to-face throughout Merthyr Tydfil, Rhondda Cynon Taff and Bridgend.

 

If you’re struggling with anxiety, I fully sympathise with you and I hope you find the techniques that help you feel better.